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1. In a certain light, wouldn't nuclear war be exciting?

I have to think that the person asking this question is looking for
someone who answers “Yes, it would,” not “No, it wouldn’t.” And that,
quite simply, is terrifying. I hope this person has been ejected from
the dating pool because they are probably the sort of person who would
skin you and wear your body as a suit.

2. Do you think women have an obligation to keep their legs shaved?

An obligation? Really? An obligation to whom? The world, men or a
family’s honor? All of those are bad answers that make me want to smack
my forehead and sigh. What’s wrong with people? And, honestly, if I’m
not wearing a dress or going on a date, I’ve never considered shaving my
legs to be a necessity, much less an obligation.

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3. Which is worse: starving children or abused animals?

Danger, Will Robinson. Both options, I think most normal people would
agree, are terrible. But those that check the box for “Neither, both are
good” are seriously twisted human beings and shouldn’t be allowed in
any situation where procreation might result. Thankfully, there is an
option for “Neither, both are bad,” so maybe the query originated with
someone who isn’t a sociopath. 

4. How frequently do you bathe or shower?

Please, please, please tell me that this question wasn’t posed by
someone who is seeking a partner that is okay with “Once a week or less”
and who might be okay with someone who answered “A couple times a
week.” I picture an army of hippies doused in patchouli, arm in arm and
it makes me want to gag. If any match for me suggests we do hot yoga on a
date, I’m going to assume this was posed by you.

I must let my freak flag fly with this one. Yes, spelling mistakes
annoy me. I’m an editor, and if you can’t tell the difference between
"there," "their" and "they’re," please do not apply. But this question
seems to suggest that an OKCupid member feels that if you can’t spell
onomatopoeia, you probably don’t earn enough money to afford a night
out. Talk about a gold digger, jeez. 

6. Would you ever eat something out of the trash?

Um, gross. Who has been a) on a date with someone whose idea of dinner
out was the plastic cans behind IHOP; or b) thinks that such a date is
their idea of a good time? I don’t want to know any "freegans" (those
who eat food that's been thrown away), and I hope you don’t stumble
across them on OKCupid. I know the economy has hit some of us hard, but
I’d rather sidle up to a soup kitchen line before Dumpster diving for my
dinner.

7. STALE is to STEAL as 89475 is to...

While this is a weird question in the sense that it tells you nothing
about a person’s personality, if you answered 89754, I’d probably
consider a date with you. Who wants to date an idiot? Not this girl.

8. Underarms can be a hairy subject. How do you maintain your pits?

The site claims that its questions should apply to anyone. But this one
is clearly targeting that same guy who wants to know if I feel an
obligation to shave my legs. I don’t “let it grow, wild & free” nor
“occasionally trim,” but I’ll bet there’s a manimal out there who would
love to find someone who’s growing a forest. And I’ll bet he likes to
eat out of the trash and only showers once a month.

9. Would the world be a better place if people with low IQs were not allowed to reproduce?

I imagine the person who proposed this question, and who is actively
looking for a partner in life, feels that the answer here is yes. And if
you follow that logic to its conclusion, stupid people should be
neutered. Wouldn’t it make more sense to castrate rapists and
pedophiles? Now that’s a question I could get behind.

10. What do you think when you hear the word "cell"?

As a tech nerd, clearly I think of “cellular phone.” But I’m guessing
the dater behind this question is most concerned with those that think
“jail cell,” not those that answer “biology.” So how many jailbirds did
that person have to meet through OKCupid to warrant asking this?